Recently I worked with a very special 9-year-old girl who has given me permission to share her experience. This little girl is bright, happy, loving, kind, funny and well liked. For a few years now, whenever she has her favourite friend or a friend she feels really secure with, a new friend comes along and seems to take her favourite friend away, she ends up feeling much less important, rejected and sad.
Knowing that this was a bit of a theme for her and similar experiences happened that left her feeling the same way, we did a little gentle searching. Working with her sadness and asking if this feeling reminds her of an earlier time, we found a subconscious memory from age 2 that revealed she felt sad and missed her mum. She thought that she wasn’t as important or loved as much anymore because her mummy wasn’t with her, she was spending time with their new baby at hospital.
Before this, the little girl’s mum had written her a book about how loved she is, her dad took time off work so when mum was with the new baby she wouldn’t feel left out, the new baby gave her a gift and was referred to as ‘our baby’ so she was always involved and so on.
Why did she feel that way?
From an adult perspective it sounds like she was nurtured a lot, right? From a 2.5-year old’s perspective though, her mummy, her main person that she had undivided attention from every day until now, wasn’t there. Her world as she knew it was now different, and even though she loved her new baby brother and her parents had done their best at letting her know she’s important and loved, she still decided (unconsciously) she wasn’t as important anymore and when someone new comes along they must be more important or more loveable. Then because of her unconscious belief, more situations happened in her life to prove it to be true.
This sort of situation happens every day and it is no one’s fault . . . families, teams and friendship groups grow right? People come and go every day and some people are ok with it and some people are not. For this little girl, the social part of her that people saw from the outside was ok with it, she always tried to join in and was very well liked, but on the inside, she often felt less important or relevant when the friend she loved the most brought along a new friend. Without realising it, she told herself she was a little less important now.
It was a moment in time that this belief began for her and it was another moment in time we could update it. By tuning into her feelings and working with her memory, we were able to transform this belief imprint for her. We released her sadness and adjusted her memory, so she now feels and believes in her heart and mind deeply that she is always important and loved no matter who else comes along. This gorgeous girl got to release her old hurt and reprogram her subconscious mind with more empowering beliefs such as love is infinite and even when new people come along to love, it’s not taken from her, that the heart is so clever that it grows new love, more love just comes. It was a beautiful moment for her, and she felt happier about friendships immediately.
Following that day there was a real shift for her whenever she was with her friends and new ones came along. In fact, she played in groups with many other kids and did not feel less important anymore and loved being part of it all. She even attracted nicer and more nourishing friends to be around. This is because she changed her wiring and this then changed her reaction, who she was drawn to and who was drawn to her.
Have you ever felt this way?
The golden nugget of this story
Whether this is something you need to hear for yourself, to share with someone you love or if you are having another baby, one thing that can really help everyone adjust to new people that come along is . . . ensure that you, your partner (if you have one), your other children or perhaps your friend know that love is infinite – and even when the new important person (or baby) comes along, you and they are still the same amazing, important and loved person, always, because our hearts grow more love.